i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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