p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She's the barista slut.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
