Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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