Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
