I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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