if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
