I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
