Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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