I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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