So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
whose ass print is on the piano?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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