My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
