just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
they call him Oral-B. enough said
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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