OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
