I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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