If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
i think we sleep fucked last night...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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