just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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