I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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