At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
