It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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