wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
