You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Randomize
