Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
