so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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