1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We were destined to go to rehab together
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
