So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
