I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
