I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
