I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
