i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
