the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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