Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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