dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
