hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
