Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
