the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
