I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
