Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
