I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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