I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
