Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
