There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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