Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
