Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
