We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
