I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
