We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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