areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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