dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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