ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
