I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
