I wish you could order shots online.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Randomize
